do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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