Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
