So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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