under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
