guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
