Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
