better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
So squirting runs in the family.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
