Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
