im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
