I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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