Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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