Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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