Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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