dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
