Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
