Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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