my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
