I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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