i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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