paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
