Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
