They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
