I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
