She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
