Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
