I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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