At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
