Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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