my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
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I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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