Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
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you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
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The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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