My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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