some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
