whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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