It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
