dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There r osticjed everywhere
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
