So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
