I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
