Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
