i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
