Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
