More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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