I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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