Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
