and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
