Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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