On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
