I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize