Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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