Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize