i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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