You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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