Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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