you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Randomize
