3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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