I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
