No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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