who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
