Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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