People in love make me want to vomit
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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