If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
