Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Green mimosas i think yes
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
