Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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