id be glad to
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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