I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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