im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
