The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
