the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
