I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
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When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
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I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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