Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
