how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
