it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
