You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just found puke in my bra..
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
