So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
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The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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