I cockslap morals
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Success! We fucked roommates!
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