Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Floor bacon is actually really good
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
