You're so nebulous sometimes
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
