So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
