Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
