All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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