just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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