I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
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