Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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